He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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