Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
