It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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