Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
