from now on my penis is your penis
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
