I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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