My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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