someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
