no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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