alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
