I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
