he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We left the knife in your bed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
