I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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