Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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