I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
