Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
