are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
