I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
