Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize