I wish I could punch you in the face.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
