Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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