You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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