plz talk dirty to me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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