He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
