am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize