You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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