just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
