the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
