I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
