happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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