my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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