I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize