Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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