Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
