Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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