When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
