I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
nutella sex= disaster
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
