You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
