He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize