Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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