I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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