I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
