he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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