Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
