And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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