I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
