It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
