I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize