You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
