i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
