I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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