Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
