i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
