Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
