you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
