I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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