You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
