I got chris browned last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this will be a night to untag.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
