I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
