party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
