So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
