it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
