How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
