Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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