you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
