I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
