Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
