Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
