I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
