Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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