Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize