we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
