he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
