We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
