All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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