She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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