Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
look no pants
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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